I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied

the importance of language

2008-04-06T06:52:48Z

It never fails to baffle me when people try to belittle instances of bigotry by claiming that they're "just words." This is doubly true when the person in question is involved in fandom, where words arguably make up the whole of a person's identity.

I guess I should know better than to try and involve myself in these situations, especially in a wank-prone community like fandomsecrets, but I cannot stand casual shows of homophobia. Generally, I view fandom as a fairly sex-positive environment, where one's own kinks can be both displayed and shared with others. But it seems that there are two major kinds of assholes: the first being the hypocrites whom enjoy slash/yaoi but cannot stand queerness in RL, and the second being the reactionaries that use their hatred of yaoi/slash in their RL dealings.

Fandom is not real life. This does not mean that people can exploit homosexuality for their own personal enjoyment and then actively/passively support homophobia when it comes to real people. Those people are the same as oversexed frat boys who fap to "lesbian" porn and think that "lesbians are hot, but faggots are different." It doesn't mean that homophobia within the context of fandom is okay, either. In this case, someone was upset about the fact that in their fandom, fanfic with slash/yaoi content had to come with warnings, regardless of the sexual content of the piece. But, people argued, that was perfectly fine because not everyone wants to read that, and it makes sense to warn people beforehand! That is bullshit. I really don't want to use the terms "heteronormative" or "heterosexism," but in positioning queer content as "other," we further the ideals of both. And that is dangerous, because that's where discrimination springs from, the idea that someone is different and therefore worse in some way. Het fic doesn't come with warnings because we think of it as safe and normative. Queerness is not dangerous, goddammit, nor will it permanently traumatize unsuspecting heterosexuals.

Words are worth fighting over. Why do we use the term "homophobia" when we have "racism" and "sexism"? The former implies a fear of things, while the latter speaks to something institutional. Isms are more legitimate than phobias. Why isn't "heterosexist" a term in popular use? Why do people in fandom still use the word tranny and forget to use the proper pronouns for transgendered characters?

Maybe I'm getting worked up over nothing, but I resent the fact that people laugh it up and say it isn't "serious business." Fuck you. Homophobia has serious consequences for real people. Sometimes the moral superiority I feel when it comes to social issues like this scares me, a bit- how is it different from that of the far right? In the end, though, all I can do is just trust in the fact that fighting for equality (not tolerance) is a worthwhile endeavor.

And to make it somewhat more fandom related: I hate Lussuria. He's an embodiment of negative gay stereotypes, thank you so much, Amano.

finally i know how to pronounce "ifrit"

2008-03-30T07:34:22Z

I think that spending time customizing lj/profile layouts is much akin to buying small&lovely journals- which is to say I labor under the impression that aesthetically pleasing things reap prose of like quality. Which is false, false, false. (I have many such journals, all blank.)

Though I guess I could see this (somewhat) ridiculously froofy layout as reward for finally writing something, albeit an entry in a kink meme. sigh sigh.

In more video game news, I've ~~been dragged~~ leapt (and here lj questions my spelling: I thought leapt was correct?? who knows.) back into the word of Final Fantasy. I bought FFXII the other day and have since played like a thing possessed. Oh god. I hope I at least manage to finish this one.

I'll start by saying that, when it comes to RPGs, I'm fairly old-school. I like turn-based battle systems and I deeply resent any changes to the status quo. This is one of the reasons I dropped FFX so quickly. I am a simple person and I hated the sphere grid.

I'm also a shallow, shallow person and purchased FFXII mostly because of the fanfic I've read. I had no idea that they had completely re-worked the battle system and that they had replaced the sphere grid with a similar concept, the license board. I griped about not receiving gil for killing monsters, the very concept of the gambit system, and having to control the camera. I did not like active battling during Vagrant Story, and that was when I was in better game-playing shape.

Of course now I see the complete error of my ways. Everything is brilliant! Squeenix can do no wrong! These are not the droids I'm looking for! But, sarcasm aside, I wonder if I wouldn't like FFX more now- maybe the past four years have instilled some sort of patience in me? Unlikely.

The story would be more enjoyable if I didn't know everything that happened in advance. As it is, the pace is a little slow for my liking- I'm about a fifth of the way through, and I still haven't gotten all my party members.

But really, just playing an FF game again is so much fun. I forgot how epic the storylines were. The first RPG I ever played was Super Mario and the Legend of the Seven Stars, a fairly obscure game that was released for the SNES. It was the last (and possibly only) collaboration between Nintendo and Squaresoft and it's a game that I replay every few years, still.

It was released twelve years ago. Man.

Apollo Justice, Case 1

2008-03-28T04:25:39Z

The biggest complaint I have with these games is that the actual gameplay is incredibly linear. Half of the courthouse scenes in the big cases consist of scrolling through text in which key points are made. Don't get me wrong, I like being able to sit back and watch the story unfold sometimes (I play the Final Fantasy games. NUFF SAID.) but good god. One of the reasons why fieldwork>trials.

If you wave a spoiler in front of my face (or really in the vicinity thereof) I will cave like whoa. So I came into the game already knowing that Kristoph was the big bad, but I had no idea that they put it out there as early as the first case.

I know a lot of people have been complaining about the Perceive system, but from what little I've experienced so far I already like it far more than the goddamn Psychelocks. And really, fieldwork is interesting enough by itself.

As they say on the interwebs, I would hit Phoenix Wright with the fist of an angry god. And am I the only one who immediately thought that Kristoph/Phoenix hate sex would be amazing? Why isn't this pairing popular. Phoenix has always been my favorite character, but I didn't think he was particularly attractive. But now: A++.

Unfortunately, I am one of those holdouts who can't really accept this game as canon. I know it's ridiculous and I should just man up about it, but I can't accept this as his future. It's not as if the game creators have ever pulled their punches when it comes to amping up the angst (EMO KID GODOT AND BLOOD TEARS) along with complete reversals of personal philosophies and careers, but.

BAWWW. I know, I know, cry moar.

fandom and I

2008-03-27T23:26:51Z

I never used to care that much about closely following canon so it comes as a surprise to me that, suddenly, I want to know everything there is to know about KHR. Of course this is difficult because there are a great many things that were probably not very well thought out- i.e., the (non-existent) language barrier.

"But if you can believe in the TYL!Bazooka, why can't you just accept this?"

There was an interview with a sci-fi writer once who said something about suspension of disbelief- namely, that if you want people to accept the big things (Dying Will Bullet, etc.) the small things have to make sense in order for the narrative to succeed.

And hey, maybe I'm being too pedantic, since I generally think narrative>world-building (augh Tolkien please stop talking about leaves and how beautiful Frodo is please please), but I like it when things are well-constructed. I appreciate gen fic more these days. I really like it when someone fleshes out/builds on a character/concept. Well-written fannish backstory? yes please.

This also explains my deep and abiding love for fics that try to inject a bit of reality into the series. There needs to be fic about Gokudera re:race and Japan oh my god. I like that the issue of race has been brought up in KHR, but wish Amano would do something more with it besides waving her hand and making everyone speak Japanese.

I think it's interesting how most of the characters in KHR look like they're actually from their country of origin. There was always this moment of disconnect for me when I would read something like Bleach (or even Rurouni Kenshin god). Ichigo is Japanese with (naturally) orange hair? GENETICS DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY KUBO TITE.

So really what I'm saying is that I want to write fic about Gokudera adjusting to life in Japan, Phoenix Wright discussing the majority opinion of Furman v. Georgia (HE WOULD LOVE JUSTICE BLACKMUN AS I DO), how Paulie learned to repair masts-- oh my god, imagine Phoenix and Edgeworth discussing the constitutional right to privacy in bed. ...

*weeps*

meme time

2008-03-27T19:44:54Z

I've been in and out of fandom for the past few years. I think this is the first time since high school that most of my fandoms are manga, rather than TV, series.

So hey, what better way to break in a new journal than with a meme?? ~~My thoughts on fandom. Let me show you them.~~

The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it: Hands down Bleach. I remember reading Zombie Powder scans at Toriyama's World and being excited that Kubo Tite was launching a new series. It wasn't an instant favorite, but by the time the Soul Society arc came around, I was pretty firmly entrenched. And then came Renji. Seriously every time there is a (male) tsundere character I am there. I wrote more fic for Bleach than any other fandom before and since. At one point I was so into the teenage hijinks of Ichigo and Renji but somewhere along the way, between the endless shipping war wank and the downward plot spiral, I just gave up.

The old flame you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets:
Final Fantasy VIII, embarassingly enough. And I say that because I've never actually finished the game. But again, as soon as Seifer came onscreen it was all hello, cranky idealistic bastard, why don't you sit down for awhile. My involvement in fandom ended ages ago, but every now and then I re-read a few favorites and check in on a few WIPs in the vain hope that they've been updated.

The mysterious dark gothy one whom you used to sit up with talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized he really was fucking crazy:
Full Metal Alchemist. And there's really nothing more I can say besides thank you, god, for letting me see how very crazy the fandom is before I got in too deep.

The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved he doesn't actually live in town:
Oz. So over the span of three days I started and finished the first three seasons of the show. ...basically I maintained that level of intensity for the next year or so. And really, Oz was the catalyst for my activist awakening. Unfortunately I can't stand fandom/Beecher&Keller (the two are interchangeable) so: Miguel, Mukada, ilu but I can't stand your friends so I'm just gonna take your left-wing prison politics and show myself the door.

The steady:
Toss-up between One Piece and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I've been involved in both for years and I have lots of fondness for both. I think One Piece is something I'll always come back to in the end, no matter how much I might stray, whereas I just have this constant affection for Buffy. Also I'm taking an independent study in Buffy, which means I can read essays about hurt/comfort slash fic for class, so there's that.

The alluring strangers whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with:
D.Grayman. I think I would like it, and I enjoyed the chapters I read, but I'm just not particularly motivated to make the effort.

The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't:
Trigun. I never felt the urge to seek out fandom because I was that satisfied with canon.

The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool guy except it's never really gone anywhere:
X-men, and in particular, ~~Excalibur~~ Nightcrawler. But in the end the sheer scope of it all is too much for me to handle.

The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at him and thinking, "him? how the hell did he land all these cool babes?":
Everyone I know is in love with Arrested Development and I don't know why. I'm one of those people that are uncomfortable with being confronted with the embarrassment of other people, which is all this show is about.

The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom she keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for her except you just know it's going to end badly:
Grey's Anatomy. I have nothing else to say.

The one who gave you the best damned summer of your life and who you measure all other potential partners against:
Fushigi Yuugi. And hey! this is about fandoms, not just the series themselves. But I joined my first mailing list for FY, back when Yahoo groups was egroups. Some of my best friends came out of that fandom.